Gregg Easterbrook, Total Douche, Continues Total Douchery

"A degenerate, am I? Well you are a festizio! See, I can make up words too, sister."

The evidence that ESPN.com Page 2 writer Gregg Easterbrook is a complete jackass and a hack writer mounts, well, every time he writes something (those links were the first five relevant Google results for "Gregg Easterbrook is a douche"). His obnoxious look-at-me-I'm-so-smart-watch-me-reference-some-genius-shit-that-is-completely-irrelevant style, his painful attempts at humor, his creepy obsession with cheerleaders and his 1000-word tangents into political issues that have nothing to do with football all make me dislike him. However, I decided to take a look at his most recent article when I saw this picture on the front page of the WWL:

Could Easterbrook have some brilliant insight into the beginning of the RichRod era? Could he give Michigan fans already calling for his head some interesting historical perspective? Perhaps he'll discuss how strange the Michigan-Notre Dame game was and note how the Wolverines dominated statistically?

Or, maybe he'll lump RichRod in with two of the bigger jackasses of the coaching ranks (scroll down to "Weasel Bowl Approaches":

This Saturday it's Little Nicky Saban versus Bobby Petrino as Alabama meets Arkansas -- the first Weasel Bowl! Note the schools of the Weasel Three -- Saban, Petrino and Rich Rodriguez -- are a combined 13-8 since these extremely expensive promise-breakers arrived. They'd probably be a combined 13-9 if Arkansas' game at Texas had not been postponed by Hurricane Ike, and surely Arkansas boosters are now praying that meeting is never rescheduled. The 13 victories include wins over cupcakes Western Illinois, Western Kentucky, Western Carolina and Miami (Ohio). Between huge salaries, legal fees and buyouts, Alabama, Arkansas and Michigan have already spent about $20 million to get a mediocre 13-8 result. Considering the fantastic advantages in money and recruiting power possessed by Alabama, Arkansas and Michigan, orangutans could have coached them to 13-8.

Nick Saban left the Dolphins for Alabama after unequivocally proclaiming that he would not be taking the Alabama job. He is a weasel.

Bobby Petrino abruptly left Louisville for the Atlanta Falcons, then quit on the Falcons in the middle of the season and left only a typewritten note behind. He is a weasel.

Rich Rodriguez left his alma mater to accept a job at a more prestigious university and football program. Yes, he got caught up in that ugly buyout business, but if you still think Rodriguez was entirely at fault for that ordeal you've been reading too much Michael Rosenberg. Rodriguez did not pick up and leave in the middle of the night, deny he could potentially leave, or abandon his team in the middle of a season. He is not a weasel.

Also, does Easterbrook seriously think that the 13-8 record of Alabama, Arkansas and Michigan is at all representative of how good these coaches are? Only Saban has had more than this season to do anything at his school. Petrino took the reigns of a team that lost Darren McFadden and Felix Jones from a team whose offense entirely consisted of Darren McFadden and Felix Jones. RichRod took over a school with three returning starters on offense who were recruited for an entirely different offensive system. This is not karma. This is exactly what any sane person would expect.

Why does this guy still have a job? Orangutans could have written a better football article. And I bet they would cost ESPN less than whatever they're paying Easterbrook.