Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Gregg Easterbrook, Total Douche, Continues Total Douchery

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"A degenerate, am I? Well you are a festizio! See, I can make up words too, sister."

The evidence that ESPN.com Page 2 writer Gregg Easterbrook is a complete jackass and a hack writer mounts, well, every time he writes something (those links were the first five relevant Google results for "Gregg Easterbrook is a douche"). His obnoxious look-at-me-I'm-so-smart-watch-me-reference-some-genius-shit-that-is-completely-irrelevant style, his painful attempts at humor, his creepy obsession with cheerleaders and his 1000-word tangents into political issues that have nothing to do with football all make me dislike him. However, I decided to take a look at his most recent article when I saw this picture on the front page of the WWL:

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Could Easterbrook have some brilliant insight into the beginning of the RichRod era? Could he give Michigan fans already calling for his head some interesting historical perspective? Perhaps he'll discuss how strange the Michigan-Notre Dame game was and note how the Wolverines dominated statistically?

Or, maybe he'll lump RichRod in with two of the bigger jackasses of the coaching ranks (scroll down to "Weasel Bowl Approaches":
This Saturday it's Little Nicky Saban versus Bobby Petrino as Alabama meets Arkansas -- the first Weasel Bowl! Note the schools of the Weasel Three -- Saban, Petrino and Rich Rodriguez -- are a combined 13-8 since these extremely expensive promise-breakers arrived. They'd probably be a combined 13-9 if Arkansas' game at Texas had not been postponed by Hurricane Ike, and surely Arkansas boosters are now praying that meeting is never rescheduled. The 13 victories include wins over cupcakes Western Illinois, Western Kentucky, Western Carolina and Miami (Ohio). Between huge salaries, legal fees and buyouts, Alabama, Arkansas and Michigan have already spent about $20 million to get a mediocre 13-8 result. Considering the fantastic advantages in money and recruiting power possessed by Alabama, Arkansas and Michigan, orangutans could have coached them to 13-8.
Nick Saban left the Dolphins for Alabama after unequivocally proclaiming that he would not be taking the Alabama job. He is a weasel.

Bobby Petrino abruptly left Louisville for the Atlanta Falcons, then quit on the Falcons in the middle of the season and left only a typewritten note behind. He is a weasel.

Rich Rodriguez left his alma mater to accept a job at a more prestigious university and football program. Yes, he got caught up in that ugly buyout business, but if you still think Rodriguez was entirely at fault for that ordeal you've been reading too much Michael Rosenberg. Rodriguez did not pick up and leave in the middle of the night, deny he could potentially leave, or abandon his team in the middle of a season. He is not a weasel.

Also, does Easterbrook seriously think that the 13-8 record of Alabama, Arkansas and Michigan is at all representative of how good these coaches are? Only Saban has had more than this season to do anything at his school. Petrino took the reigns of a team that lost Darren McFadden and Felix Jones from a team whose offense entirely consisted of Darren McFadden and Felix Jones. RichRod took over a school with three returning starters on offense who were recruited for an entirely different offensive system. This is not karma. This is exactly what any sane person would expect.

Why does this guy still have a job? Orangutans could have written a better football article. And I bet they would cost ESPN less than whatever they're paying Easterbrook.

16 comments:

Mikey said...

He's the Ann Coulter of sports...maybe less extreme.

Anonymous said...

RichRod is definitely a weasel, if not for the way he left WV, then for the way he accepted the Bama job two years ago, only to change his mind after getting a raise.

Ace said...

Anonymous, he never accepted the Alabama job. Also, it's hard to deny that he deserved the raise at West Virginia. The contract he took to stay at WVU paid him less than the $2 million per year offer from 'Bama. Not only that, but Rodriguez made WVU guarantee that they would build a new academic center and locker room for his players over the course of his new contract, otherwise it would be voided.

Yeah, what a weasel.

crimson daddy said...

Rod had accepted the Alabama job in principle. This much is true.

But as a Bama fan, I am personally glad he changed his mind/was low-balled by Bama (whichever line of thinking makes you feel better).

Ace said...

I was under the impression that Rodriguez denied ever accepting the job. Also, I never said I thought Alabama low-balled him, especially since he took less money to stay at WVU.

The larger point, however, is I feel that lumping in RichRod with Saban and Petrino (especially Petrino) is a stretch to say the least. And I think we can all agree that Easterbrook should never discuss college football again. Ever.

J. Johnston said...

How in God's name can you possibly say he didn't leave his team in the middle of the night. He did,in fact, and called recruits before he told his team. Also, he not only said "I'll stay here as long as they want me", he signed a contract extension less than 4 months before leaving. And unless you don't count BCS games as being part of the football season, HE DID LEAVE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE SEASON.

You, fine sir, are the true idiot here. Also, none of you clowns thought UM would be THIS awful. I love how your no-talent squad has been top 10 in recruiting for decades, and suddenly has no talent. Sigh...you Blue boys are blind to it all apparently.

And furthermore, he DID accept the Alabama job in principle. Of course he denies it, he's a pathological liar and a terrible gameday coach.

Ace said...

J. Johnston's profile, in its entirety:

"I'm a WVU alum in Columbus, Ohio. I'm a huge fan of Bob Huggins, and I support Bill Stewart 100%. If you don't, then you're no Mountaineer in my book. I couldn't be more proud of these guys after the Fiesta Bowl. Let's go Mountaineers! And yes, Owen Schmitt made me cry. Damn him for tugging at my heart strings during one of the most emotional moments in my Mountaineer-loving lifetime. Man, do I hope he's a Steeler next fall."

No bias there or anything.

I'm not going to get into a flame war, since believe it or not I do have things to do besides blogging. However:

1. Actually, we did expect this kind of a season. Not only that, but we're only three games in, and Michigan showed tremendous improvement against Notre Dame in every facet of the game besides holding on to the football.

2. How can you call us a "no-talent squad" while referencing all the talent we bring in?

3. It does not matter how much talent you have when you have 8 new starters in an entirely new offense that they weren't recruited for.

4. It's amazing how quickly WVU fans have turned on RichRod. He is the greatest coach you ever have had or will have.

5. It is pretty common practice for coaches to accept new jobs between the end of the regular season and bowl games (see Pelini, Bo and Nutt, Houston among many others). If you wait until after the bowl season, there are no prestigious jobs left to go to. Michigan was not going to wait for Rodriguez to coach his bowl game (that was ultimately meaningless since WVU choked so bad against Pitt) and Mountaineer fans would never have allowed him to coach the bowl game while accepting the Michigan job in principle. What was he supposed to do, unless you expected him to pass up every possible opportunity to move up in the coaching world?

That's all for now. Try to keep the shit-throwing to a minimum in my absence.

J. Johnston said...

Of course I'm biased. That doesn't mean I'm wrong. You know it and I know it.

J. Johnston said...

One more thing. I am one of the few who hated Rich Rod for several seasons. Many will claim that now, but I am sincere. He is a wretched, wretched game day coach and preparer of a team. I never turned on him quickly, he's always sucked in my opinion. He's the beneficiary of Pat White and a weaker schedule.

Your points, if there are any, matter not. It is what it is. You are blind to what took place, and that's alright. He's your boy. I would expect you to have faith in him.

Take care.

J. Johnston said...

Oh, and you guys call yourselves no talent. I think UM is supremely talented. Forgive me for not making that more clear.

Vadatripp said...

You, fine sir, are the idiot. Plenty of people thought Michigan would be this bad. They have two QBs who hadn't taken a snap yet, two RBs who hadn't taken a handoff yet, one returning starter on the OL to go along with a converted DL who had to switch after all of the other OLs went down with injury. Oh yeah, and A COMPLETELY FRICKING NEW OFFENSIVE SCHEME.

Look, I understand your whining because RichRod left your school for greener pastures after turning it into a much more successful team than before he arrived but he is no way the same as Petrino (maybe Saban).

Also, none of you clowns thought WVU would lose to East Carolina and already be out of the national title hunt. I love how your new coach was supposed to pick up right where RichRod left and he couldn't even make it to the Pittsburgh game before choking. Sigh...you Inbred boys are blind to it all apparently.

Anonymous said...

Um, didn't Rod leave prior to WVU's BCS bowl game? I'd call that "abandoning his team in the middle of the season".

Anonymous said...

Um, wasn't Atlanta, like, 3-10 when Petrino punked out? Kinda different from bringing a mediocre program to a national powerhouse and then leaving AFTER the regular season.

Who knows? He probably wanted to coach the BCS game but the president, the governor (WTF is the governor doing involved in this crap anyway?) and the angry throng of torch-burning (and couch burning) WVU fans probably convinced him otherwise.

Um, kinda different then leaving a team 13 games into your pro career because your getting whooped on a weekly basis.

Um, yeah.

Ace said...

Anonymous 1: Try to read above comments before repeating the same crap someone else said.

Anonymous 2: Thank you, sane warrior.

crimson daddy said...

Ace, I didn't mean to imply that you did think that Alabama lowballed him, just that that's what Bama fans think, while WV fans said he changed his mind/never was going to Alabama in the first place. The "you" was general.

Coaches lie. They just do. I don't like it, but I think that they are backed into a corner by the media because a "no comment" reply would just lead to more rumors and questions.

And yes, Easterbrook needs to stick with what he knows. When I figure out what that is relative to sports, I'll let you know.

Ace said...

Thanks for clarifying, Crimson Daddy. I pretty much agree with everything you just said. Overall point being, Easterbrook is a hack.