Monday, September 8, 2008

Lions Open Season: Collective Moan Heard 'Round Michigan

Anyone who watched the Lions game yesterday probably was asking the same three questions I was:

1) Isn't our coach, Rod Marinelli, of the defensive mind?  Isn't that his focus?

2) Why does Paris Lenon have an NFL roster spot?

3) Why was our offense moving slower than Taco Bell through a digestive system with 8 minutes left in the game and down by two scores?

I will attempt to answer these questions for you, just to clear a few things up.

1) Yes, he is.  And he is just not very good at what he does.  I understand that some blame lies with the defensive coordinator, and most should lie with the players, but if you are a head coach of a football team and you have worked on the defensive side of the ball your whole life, I don't understand how you can send a defense like that out on the field and sleep that same night.  The defense wasn't just bad as in blown coverage, bad angles, no.  They couldn't even tackle.  Now I'm no NFL football player, but isn't that the first thing you learn how to do if you play defense?  This was not run-of-the mill, just another Lions season bad.  This was worse.  The defense is as bad as I've seen it in a long time.  And for the second question, we're going to talk about it's star...

2) Paris Lenon, everyone!  The worst professional football player to have a roster spot!  This was the falcon's game plan: run the ball directly at the middle of the Lions' defense and see if they can stop us.  Well, that's just what they did, and guess what?  Lenon all but gave Falcons running back Michael Turner a kiss goodbye on his way to the end zone.  This guy Turner had 220 yards!  I wish I was kidding.  I wish this was a joke, but that's our defense.  Just put in the practice squad guys.  At least they want it.

3) The last question, about the curious pace of the offense with 8 minutes left and down 10, ties in directly to my biggest gripe of all when it comes to the Lions, besides Matt Millen: Jon Kitna.  Jon Kitna is a past-his-prime, career backup quarterback who is a cancer in the locker room.  Now if you have any idea what you're talking about, you may be saying, "Joe, I know he's old, and he led the Bengals to some 4-win seasons before Carson Palmer got there, but why would you say he's a cancer in the locker room?"  Here's why

The article itself is glowing.  It was written last year, when the Lions were in the midst of a 6-2 start and feeling pretty good.  So of course then, when we were winning, everyone loved Jon and his militant faith.  Of course, the writer probably now knows he shouldn't use the term "mastered" when it comes to a quarterback and an offense until the end of the season.  Keep in mind, We won 7 games that year.  We started off 6-2, and won one game the rest of the year.  Even I was surprised.  I don't care what anybody says, it is impossible to have that kind of annoyingly vocal faith pressed on a locker room day in and day out without it being divided.  I guarantee players have gotten sick of JK and his preaching.  No wonder his offensive line won't protect him.  At least if he gets a concussion he'll shut up.  

Oh yeah, and Dan Orlovsky is retarded.  And so is whoever said the Lions were blessed.  I hate Matt Millen, I already want the season to be over.  Goooooooooooooo Lions!

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