Monday, September 1, 2008

Overheard in the Student Section: Utah

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Note: This piece is going to come off as an incredibly negative picture of the Michigan student section. For the most part, Michigan has great fans who understand football, the new offense, and the fact that this season will not be a normal Michigan season. Unfortunately, they do not comprise the entirety of the student section.

Depending on the continued proficiency of the students around me and Webstarr in saying absolutely ridiculous shit that makes me want to give up watching sports, move to Tibet and live in a tent on the side of a mountain, this may become a regular feature. These things were overheard in the student section at the Utah game on Saturday. Snarky comments ho!

"Why do they keep running the same play?"

This was said several times, by the same couple kids, after any time Michigan ran the ball. For the record, a shotgun zone read =/= a dive out of the ace formation. For further explanation of your stupidity, please consult any football video game made since the dawn of fucking time.

"TACKLE HIM" and "THROW THE BALL"

This from the shrieking girl standing directly behind us, every time Utah ran the ball and Michigan dropped back to pass, respectively. Word to the not-so-wise: they can't fucking hear you. I have no problem with such statements as "[Defensive player X] took a bad angle on that play" or "[Receiver] was really open". That is called 'insight'. Telling the 250 pound man who spent his entire spring and fall learning how to "TACKLE HIM" to take down the ballcarrier while you're standing 200 feet away will only make everyone around you want to shove a $5 hot dog as far as it can go down your windpipe.

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Brandon Graham, taking the advice of the chick in Section 26, Row 56 and tackling the guy with the ball (photo courtesy of Rivals.com)

"Come back, Lloyd!"

This stroke of intellectual genius hit several students in our section as Lloyd Carr made his way up the stadium steps after halftime. Let me say this: I love Lloyd. Unlike 75% of the kids in the student section, I actually watched Michigan football when he won the national title in 1997. I have nothing but respect for Lloyd Carr. However, even he admitted it was his time to go after last season. To say you want him back after the new regime has had all of 30 minutes with an absurdly inexperienced offense to make an impression is unfair to intelligent Michigan fans everywhere. These are undoubtedly the same people who were calling for Ryan Mallett to replace Chad Henne last season. Cue horrifying memories of fumbled snaps, out routes thrown to the eighth row, and turnaround jump passes landing directly in the hands of appreciative safeties.

"You know, as much as I hated Henne, I think we're really going to miss him this year."

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I could go on, but my blood pressure is surely rising to unhealthy levels usually reserved for P.J. Hill when he is refused sixth helpings at team dinners. If I can keep my anger in check, look for this to be back next week.

1 comment:

Zac said...

My drunken quote in the student section: "At least we have the Lions... Oh wait"