Tuesday, July 15, 2008

West Virginia: Still Bitter

: If you appreciate writing as an art form, and you don't also consider mashing crayons into the wall an art form, you may want to skip this one.

Chris Burke of MLive's The Diag blog dug up this article from today's Herald-Dispatch in Huntington, West Virginia. Apparently columnist Chuck Landon isn't pleased with the way the Rich Rodriguez buyout lawsuit turned out. Already, the premise of this article is somewhat flawed.

Earth to Chuck: West Virginia will receive every single penny of the $4 million buyout. This is what is called a "victory". You should be taking pleasure in these things.

As bad as the idea is behind the article, the execution is infinitely worse. They say if given an infinite amount of time, an infinite amount of monkeys would eventually type the works of Shakespeare. I'd give three monkeys a quarter of an hour to pound out this masterpiece. A small sampling:
As far as I'm concerned, the controversial former West Virginia University head football coach got away with "Grand Theft Contract."

Well, from where I'm sitting, UM just dropped the bar so low in this limbo contest about the only thing that still can pass under it is Rodriguez' ethics.

Unfortunately, not even Febreeze could eliminate the odor wafting off of Rodriguez' part of the deal. It stinks to high "Almost Heaven."

Geez, who is Rich Rod's tax adviser -- Internal Revenue Service Commissioner Douglas H. Shulman?

Now, that's what I call an H&R Block. ... and tackle.

Git 'Er Done, Chuck. With that smarmy little gem, I'm expecting the Times to come calling any day now.

Burke provides even more quotes in his post, but I couldn't take much more of that. Instead, I will provide a visual representation for how much it hurts to read Chuck Landon:

There, I feel much better. I'm out like Rosie O'Donnell (that was for you, Washington Post).

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