Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Sorry No USA Live Blog

What's up readers.  I am so sorry for missing the Team USA game this morning.  For some reason, I was sure it was at 10:15, but I can't even remember where I saw that.  Conclusion: I am retarded.

Another apology, this one to Doug Collins: this one comes in two parts.  First, apology to you readers about messing up the nickname "Little Flying Warrior."  The name actually refers to Kobe Bryant, not Dwayne Wade.  Also, when Doug said it, I thought he had come up with it himself when really, it was what the Chinese people call Kobe.  In my defense, Kobe is in no way little.

Ok, I'm glad that's over with.  Now, in an attempt to make these blunders up to you, I am going to live blog during the Argentina-Greece game, the winner of whom will play the U.S.  It should be a bit of an adventure since I know almost no names and will be hypnotized by the hugeness that is Baby Greek  Shaq, but it should be entertaining, so stick around.  The game starts in about 15 minutes, and Jon will be joining me, although he will be none too happy to realize instead of watching Team USA we're watching two teams who aren't nearly as good.  

Speaking of Team USA, I especially regret not watching this game because everyone was really, really worried about Australia because we only beat them by 11 in exhibition play.  Turns out, that wasn't an issue.  Team USA is for real.  I love how there is all this doubt swirling around this year because of Athens.  People seem to forget that we have still won a gold medal every time other than 2004.  Is it possible to have a down year?  

Anyway, Argentina and greece are about to get started.  Let's do it.

10:00-Officially the lamest tip-off ever.  The timing for both teams was absolutely horrendous.  Good start all around.  Argentina ended up getting it, but to quote that kid from the movie Waiting, winning that tip is like "being the smartest kid with down syndrome."

6:44-Extremely excessive celebration by Andres "The Goon" Nocioni after...a layup.  Congrats, buddy.  Now go pointlessly clothesline someone in the third quarter of a meaningless regular-season game.

5:43-Greece by 1.  The basketball I am watching just is not very good.

3:28-Following a wild spin move by Greece's point guard and an outlet pass at his teammate's feet that goes out of bounds, Doug Collins points out: "That's just Greek basketball right there."  I think he meant it as a compliment.  Didn't work.

0:33-Bogus foul call on Manu Ginobili.  I'm actually rooting for him because I want a crack at him next game.

0:02-Nice pull-up 3 by Carlos Delfino.  Where was that for the Pistons?  All I remember is him missing wide open jumpers and sitting on the bench.

End of the first quarter-23-22, Greece.  No comment.  The basketball ain't that good.

During a commercial break-Just saw a preview of a great movie.  The premise: Samuel L. Jackson is an asshole cop who makes life rough for his neighbors.  Oscar, anyone?

5:22-Greece's point guard goes up for a layup and gets fouled.  To make sure the ref knows this, he flails his arms, yells, and shakes his head wildly from side to side.  It looked like he was being chased by a flock of hornets.  

2:38-There's the Delfino we know and love.  He drives recklessly to the basket and gets blocked cleanly.  Also, it looks like Nocioni has hurt his knee.  He's on his way to the locker room.  That would SUCK for Argentina.

1:26-They're showing shots of Coach K and Kobe in the stands.  Kobe: "Do people seriously think either one of these teams can even come close to beating us?  Really?"  Well, he didn't say that, but his body language says it all.

End of the half-40-39, Greece.  My parents are having work done on the house right now, and the construction is extremely loud.  But I think it's the game that's giving me a headache.  

During halftime-Have you ever seen that commercial for the Education Connection online college with that girl in her underwear?  They throw in a really fishy stat: online college graduates earn 1 million dollars more on average.  More than who?  Real college graduates?  I want to know!

Later in halftime-Hilarious commercial featuring Eli and Peyton Manning playing Jenga.  I love that they're both amazing quarterbacks, but take off the pads, helmets, and take them off the field, they're just two goofy-ass white boys.  Example:
Eli: "You're on fire today, bro!"
Peyton: "I just got the touch today, man."

Later in halftime-One of the most unfunny commercials for Arby's.  I can't stand that.  Don't they have a marketing team?  How can paid professionals make commercials so bad?

Alright halftime's over.  Back on tha grind.

8:38-Jon just got here and immediately makes this observation:
"I turned the game on at my house for a second and the first ting I heard was, '...and Ginobili is on the floor, looks like e wanted a foul.'  So I left."

3:48-Baby Shaq's in the game!  Yes!  It's all worth it now.

3:06-Lower the Boom!!!  BS unleashes a killer drop step on the great Luis Scola and makes him look like a fool.  From now on, whenever he scores I will post "Lower the Boom"

1:55-Baby lays out Scola on a pick.  Scola immediately gets up and cries.  It's got to be like running into a brick wall.

46.6-As a sort of  retaliation, Nocioni throws his whole body straight at Baby on a loose ball.  Not smart.

End of the third quarter-56-55, Argentina.  Jon: "I think Tractor II has lost weight."  Really.

9:20-Missed dunk by number 8 for Greece to tie the game.  Seriously, if your playing international ball, I guess even a simple dunk is showboating.  Guys, when it comes to trying to dunk, just say no.

8:16-According to Doug, Nocioni is now afflicted with every basketball-related injury known to man.  Are we supposed to feel sorry for him?

7:25-Huge 3 by Greece.  They just won't go away.  Oop, another one.  Only down by 1.

6:39-Greece point guard touches Argentina's.  Argentina's PG flails around and looks at the ref, and gets the foul.  It's such bullshit.  It ain't soccer, fellas.  

5:43-Another 3 by Greece ties the game!  

4:47-Really guys, it's not that fun watching you jack up 3's all game.  I get it, you're behind a short line and the ball goes in.  Good job, I can do that, too.

3:41-Tremendous block on a fast break by Ginobili.  Great block from behind.

1:36-Big 3 by greece.  This has become quite a game.

0:46-Looks like we're going to be playing Argentina next game.  I'm glad.  Here's the thing:  If Argentina comes out and is hitting all their 3's, they have a be within 20.  In all seriousness, they could make it close in the second quarter if they hit everything.  But if they hit less than 60 percent from 3, the game's over.  We'll just run all over them.  Plus, I mean, look at the score of this game.  Argentina won by 2 against a tea we beat by almost 30.  Argentina is so happy.  They're jumping around, screaming.  Jesus.  You'd think they've never won a basketball game before.  Enjoy it while you can, guys.  We're coming for you.    

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